2014-04-doc3 In EU, after Brexit, English remains preferred language

The EU Commission announced that finally an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the final negotiations, however, some room for improvement has been detected and the Commission has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English. In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be replaced with ‘k’. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but insolvensy kourts and kross-border bankruptsy koordinators will welkome this, whilst a laptop kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced by ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fone’, paragraf’, and fysikal location of an asset 10 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Post-Brexit member states will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al will agree that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go. By the forth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’ and ‘w’ by ‘v’. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar changes, like kurt and amunt vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli ensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

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